Life is Tough When You're Famous

In many ways, my life now resembles that of a celebrity. I’m not talking about anyone on the level of Brad Pitt or Oprah. Those celebrities are so high up on the famous scale that I would think most people would be too afraid to even approach them. No, I’m more on the level of a second rate reality TV star. People recognize me and know my name, but I’m not so famous as to be intimidating. In fact, most people have no qualms about coming up to me to discuss absolutely whatever, although, most of the strangers just give me some cliché lines. The most popular are, “You need to find a Mauritanian man. I know this guy…”, “Here, take my baby in your suitcase back to America,” and “Ah, America, Barrack Obama”. Every time someone says these things, they think they are being witty and original.

Here are the ways in which I think my life is similar to someone famous:

1. I only know about two percent of the people who know me.

2. Everyone and their mother knows where I live.

3. People love to watch me do mundane things, like buy tomatoes, do laundry, and read books.

4. People will “secretly” take pictures of me with their cell phones and send them to their friends. Cultural note: The first thing people do here when they come across some money is buy a super nice cell phone. Most of them have nicer phones than I do. However, they can never afford to call anyone on these super nice phones.

5. Parents on the street with their children will send their kids over to us to say “give me a gift” (I assume movie stars get the equivalent with “can I have an autograph”).

6. Whenever I wear new clothes, which is not all that often, everyone seems to notice, despite the fact that basically all my clothes looks about the same.

Okay, so I’m sure there are more reasons, but that’s all I have right now because it feels like it’s about 120 degrees today (just an estimate). Speaking of which, here are the ways in which I am not like a celebrity.

1. Celebrities have air conditioning and I have a hand held fan.
2. Celebrities have perfect complexions and I am covered in heat rash.
3. Celebrities make millions of dollars and I do not.
4. Celebrities have the paparazzi following them around to the most exclusive clubs and I am followed around town by hordes of kids on my endless search to find an ice cube.
5. Celebrities had do to something that requires talent (but I guess that’s arguable), and all I had to do was be white.

Now that’s really all. Too hot to proofread (if you’re a regular reader of mine, you’ll notice that’s a trend). And guess what! I’ll be home one week from tomorrow where no one will stare at me and all I have to do is walk to the kitchen if I want ice!!!!!!!!!!!!